“Don’t Worry”

How two words and once sentence made me who I am today.

Ten years ago the team sat down in a boardroom with expectations to plan the next major release of our software.  The entire team was there.  Release managers, business managers, engineers, testers, & documenters.  The business managers gave the “here’s what we’re going to build” pitch.  The release managers outlined the strategy.  Everyone else asked questions until we were clear on the general aspects of the release.

After the preliminaries we were instructed to provide estimates for our forthcoming work.  At the time it made sense.  They needed to know how long the project would take so that they could see if the work could be completed before the expected release date.  One manager stood at the whiteboard and walked through the various features and core components of the product.  For each work item he suggested a coworker who could work on it.  After some discussion, the assigned worker would provide an estimate in number of days.  We would log the estimate and then continue to the next item on the list.

This was the first time I had seen this done.  I was a new engineer to the company, as were most of the engineers on the team back then.  The manager had lots of experience and was guiding the flow of the meeting as seasoned managers should.  In the two years since I joined the company I had never seen this done.  We had meetings before to discuss the plan and how long it would take, but never with the entire team, and at that point, never with such detail.  I remembered I was excited.  I thought “We’re going to do great this time”.

Then something interesting happened.

Eventually it was my turn.  The manager stated that the preferences module needed some work and suggested that I take it on.  I agreed.  It was an area of the product that I had little knowledge of, so I was happy to do the work.  Then he asked “How long so you think it would take”?  I thought about it and asked some questions about the work.  I received answers and then I asked some more.  After a few more minutes of Q&A I could see some people in the room were getting annoyed.  Everyone had provided answers in a few minutes, and I was taking longer.

Eventually another engineer joined the manager at the whiteboard in an attempt to hurry the conversation.  I was resistant to provide any estimate because I had never worked in the code before and was not comfortable given the information I was provided.  I said “How can I give a number for something I haven’t seen before”?  To this day I have never forgotten the reply I received: “Don’t worry.  It doesn’t matter.  Just give a number”.

My heart felt like it hit the floor, everything else in the room faded, my eyes glazed over, and I blurted out a number.

There are two things I remember about that day.  The first was the disappointment in me for providing an estimate for something I knew nothing about.  The second was my reaction.  It was so sudden, vivid, and all encompassing.  Going forward I attributed my reaction to ‘just being angry at myself’.  It would not be until recently that I truly understood why I reacted the way I did.

—

Two years ago, the team was undergoing a new exercise.  We were exploring the thoughts and opinions of each other to understand our strengths, weaknesses, personal brand (how other see us), and our triggers (what enables us).  The goal was to understand each other so that we could improve ourselves and how we worked with each other.  It was a fun series of exercises that opened my eyes to my coworkers.  I learned as much about them as I did myself.  As we explored the subject of triggers, I thought back to that day when I provided my estimate, and after some thought, I finally realized what enabled my response.  It was not the fact that I was disappointed in myself.  It was something more obvious and mundane.  It was the word ‘”Don’t”.

It seems kind of odd that a single word could trigger such an acute response.  Then again, my coworkers described similar responses to things that triggered them.  They would become blinded to other influences, focused on the thing or person that triggered them, and emotionally involved themselves with what caused the trigger.  Triggers are neither good nor bad.  They are simply the things that enable us.  Understanding our triggers helps us understand why we react to certain influences the way we do.  The benefit in our coworkers knowing them is that they gain insight which helps them work more effectively with each other.  We can understand why we do and say the things we say.  In other words, we understand each other.

While I know that “don’t” triggers me, I am not clear on why it does.  My theory is that “don’t” is a limiting word, kind of like a virtual wall.  I am the kind of person who likes to challenge the status-quo and look to new and improved ways of accomplishing things.  Perhaps I see “don’t” as a barrier to be broken.

Overall I find that my triggers are very helpful.  They enable me to find alternative routes, identify root causes, and locate opportunities for improvement.  The down side is that there are days when I encounter so many triggers that I go to bed exhausted.  In my opinion, it is a small price to pay.

———-8<—————————————————–

I have learned that there are three things that instantly trigger my attention: two words and one sentence:

1. Can’t
2. Don’t
3. and people who complain but do nothing

What are your triggers?